So much....

So it's obviously been forever since I've done a relevant post. Things have been crazy the past few months, and I've kind of avoided the blog because I didn't know how to write some of it.

One big thing is that I'm currently 39.5 weeks pregnant---WHAT?! My due date is just in 3 days, and I'm pretty miserable. I've been having contractions for 6+ weeks now. They had to stop my labor at 34w2d with a shot, and since then I've been having inconsistently horrible contractions. I actually spent 13 hours in L&D on December 23rd, but failed to progress even with though I had contractions the entire time so they sent me home. It's been a long hard month and a half, and I never expected to make it this far, especially since they had to stop my labor. Now we are looking at a potential induction if things done kick in on their on soon. I'm dilated 5cm and pretty thinned out, and she's really low, just not having any active labor just yet. I have hardly slept in the past few weeks, so hoping we have her soon so that we have a reason to not sleep :) Rylee is getting pretty anxious too, she tells Madelyn several times a day to get out and come play. Can't wait to see them together.

Also, Rylee turned 3 on the 27th!!! I can't believe it's been 3 years since she entered our lives. We had a minion birthday party and she is still talking about it :) She had so much fun! We had lots of friends come over, and even more couldn't make it because of the nasty bugs that are going around. We missed everyone that couldn't be here, but loved watching Rylee with the people who could make it. She has learned so much this past year, I can't even believe how much she has changed in front of us. She's already changing so much since turning 3 in my opinion, she's using bigger words, putting longer sentences together, and she still has the memory of an elephant! I can't wait to see what this year has in store for us. Hopefully, we'll find a dance class to stick with, or maybe a gymnastics class. We still plan on homeschooling for preschool, but are going to tour one or two in the coming months to make sure we have considered all of our options.

And finally, on December 1st, it had been a year since we said goodbye to Preston. On his birthday, we went to church, then went out to the cemetery and spent some time there. We brought him winter/birthday flowers, and a small little elephant stuffed animal. I didn't handle it very well, and honestly didn't want to leave at all. I could've sat there crying all day. After we finally left, we went and picked out our Christmas tree just like we did last year. Paul and I had a really hard time leading up to the 1st, we laid on the couch and cried and held each other a lot. It was a lot harder than I expected it to be. I haven't been out to Floral Haven since, but want to go before we have Madelyn, so I should probably get out there soon. I miss our little man so much and the closer we get to having a new baby, the more I miss him.

But that is the last few months in a quick nutshell. We are just playing a waiting game for Madelyn at this point, and I'm pretty certain I'll be pregnant forever it feels. But we are so anxious for her to come home and join our family. It will be soon!!

30 weeks!

How far along are you?: 30 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: -1lb

Sleep: sometimes great, sometimes not so much

Best moment this week: trick or treating with Rylee was a blast

Movement: strong but very random and sometimes she goes hours without moving, then gets an energy burst

Food cravings/aversion: Potato soup... oh my gosh I would kill for a bowl right about now

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out: In, starting to get funky looking and flat at the top

What I miss: not stressing about pregnancy

What I'm looking forward to: seeing Maddie on Tuesday

Milestones: Only 10 weeks left!

Not much has been going on on the baby front. Madelyn's room is almost done decoration-wise, but there's still a lot of organizing to do to get it officially ready. Though as long as she has a place to sleep and a car seat to get home safely in, and some clothes to wear, I'm not too worried. 

There were a couple of days this week that I thought we were going to have a Halloween baby. There was a lot of pressure and some contractions (most likely Braxton Hicks) that had me down for awhile, and we were seriously close to heading to L&D. Thankfully, they let up and I'm just making sure I don't overdo it. It's still way too early for her to enter this world. I plan on talking to my doctor about it on Tuesday to make sure everything is still looking good and that she's of course still healthy. Her lack of movement during the day freaks me out sometimes, which of course probably doesn't help. 

Paul and I are just so ready for her to be in our arms where she belongs. I'm hoping with the approaching holidays and birthdays that what little time is left flies by. 

Viability

How far along are you?: 24 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: -1lb

Sleep: finally

Best moment this week: spending time with our siblings with an impromptu game night

Movement: very active in the morning and before bed, gives me random kicks throughout the day so I don't panic

Food cravings/aversion: Still no mac & cheese or eggs

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: at the moment, not much of anything

What I'm looking forward to: seeing Maddie on Tuesday

Milestones: Viability!!

24 weeks marks a very significant date in anyone that has experienced a pregnancy/child loss (or anyone who knows and understands the importance of this time). This moment in pregnancy indicates that the fetus is now viable and with extreme life saving measures and a top rated NICU a baby born now could survive. Thankfully, we are delivering at a hospital that has a highly rated NICU and Children's Hospital. Hopefully, it won't be necessary but I like knowing that we will have easy access to it if need be. Once we made it past 17 weeks, 24 weeks was my goal to shoot for, now that we are here, it's all about sitting back and enjoying the rest of this crazy ride (like I'll actually be able to do that haha). I know that horrible things can still happen after 24 weeks, but the comfort that something could be done to save Madelyn if worse comes to worse is indescribable. 

This past week I made the crib skirt for Maddie's room and it looks FANTASTIC :) or at least I think it does! I'm really happy with how it turned out. Next on the list is the curtains for her room. I had one idea in mind, but today my mom mentioned something that I like more, so we'll see about that :) I'm going to give my back time to recover first before venturing into that project though. 

I'm so happy with how things are coming together and the time inbetween it all taking place. With Rylee, we got everything done all at once that the end of the pregnancy seemed to last even longer. Now that we have a toddler and know there's really no rush and as long as we have a car seat and a place for her to sleep we are more than prepared, we are taking our time, which makes the pregnancy seem like it's going along at a nice speed- though I'm so ready for January and for her to be here (but that's because I'm not the enjoyable pregnant woman). 

Rylee loves her little sister so much already. She talks to her almost daily and tells me all the things she's going to teach Maddie and all the things they are going to do together. I can't wait to actually watch them grow together and have that sisterly bond. We are at such a great place with Rylee's age and with this pregnancy that life is pretty fantastic in our familial department of life. I couldn't imagine having it any other way- obviously other than Preston being here. 

Tuesday, we get to go see Little Sister and make sure all is going well. I'm sure that it is, she seems bigger and stronger every week from where she punches and kicks me. Can't wait to see what she looks like now :) 

4 years

A lot was going on around this time 4 years ago. We were in the process of buying our house and getting our apartment packed up. We were also newlyweds, which is huge in of itself. But something EXTRA HUGE happened on this day 4 years ago.

Paul was a 2A and worked the early morning Friday shift at work. I got up to get ready for work but decided to do something first. I took a pregnancy test, I wasn't technically late, but had a feeling. And this is what I saw....

I absolutely freaked out. I was completely ecstatic. I immediately called Paul and told me- there was no way I was going to make it through a day at work without telling him. He was of course thrilled. 

That evening after work we decided to have an impromptu date night- one of the things I loved about living in Tulsa, everything was right there. I'm sure we went to dinner but I have no clue where. We went to Barnes & Noble and picked up a few pregnancy books, walked around the baby section at Target and "ohhh" and "ahhh" at everything, and then we ended the night putt-putting. 

It was such a fantastic evening. We were on cloud 9, and we had a secret that no one else knew and we relished in it. The next day Paul took off work and we went to an Arkansas Razorback game with my parents- still keeping our secret and giving each other secret smiles and winks.

Words cannot truly describe what we went through those first few days. There was so much love and so much excitement shared between us. Little did we know our lives would change forever in just 4 short weeks, but at this moment 4 years ago, we were happy. 

We still love our Peanut and always will. 

20 WEEKS!!!

How far along are you?: 20 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: -1lb

Sleep: hahahaha only with the help of some lavender oil

Best moment this week: seeing my little girl this past Monday

Movement: very active in the morning and Paul has felt her already

Food cravings/aversion: I'm hungry

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: brushing my teeth without dry heaving

What I'm looking forward to: getting the nursery painted

Milestones: HALFWAY!!!!!

Today marks our halfway point! I'm so excited to be on the downhill slope with this pregnancy. The first half was a rough one, emotionally and physically- so I'm happy to be over the hump. 

Last night laying in bed Paul could feel Maddie rolling around in my stomach and his eyes were priceless! So cool to see him get excited and experience all of this again. We are finishing up the painting for the nursery this weekend, as soon as we pick out what gray we want to use on the walls. 

We also made the decision to change OB providers. Nothing was wrong with who we were using, I just want to deliver at a different hospital that he doesn't deliver at. So I'm changing to my cousin's OB who came highly recommended from some other moms I know. Even better, he does ultrasounds at every visit, so I will getting to see my little girl all the time now. How exciting is that?! I meet with him the first time on Tuesday, and I'm pretty excited and feel very confident this is the change we were meant to make. 

This whole experience has been surreal and as much as I'm ready to have her here I know I'll never experience this again and that makes me a little sad. But I know that will all go away when I have her in my arms. 

Perfection

Yesterday we had our mid-pregnancy ultrasound and though the images weren't that impressive in my book (compared to others), it was absolute perfection. I was surprised when we got there and they were using my original due date of 1/11, so I'm excited that that is what I'll be using from now on (meaning there will be no 19 week update, since it bumped me up 5 days)! Madelyn's head and torso was measuring 1 week behind, but Rylee's always did that too and when I was pregnant with Rylee the tech told me those values were accurate +/- 1 week. Her long legs were measuring right on schedule though. She had a heart rate of 141bpm and this tech confirmed to us that we do in fact have a girl in there :) I was pretty worried since I just bought a bunch of baby girl clothes at JBF that she would end up a he. We didn't get any front of face shots because she was being pretty stubborn and kept her hands in front of her face the whole time, but the slight profile view we got is great and I got to compare the pic to Rylee's 19 week ultrasound. I think there's a good chance they'll look similar, but still have distinct facial qualities. It's all going to come down to the color and quantity of hair haha

My OB called today and let me know all looked normal and great on the ultrasound. So happy to not have to worry about that pesky tissue mass anymore and I can potentially enjoy the rest of this pregnancy.

Even better, laying in bed last night, Paul had his head on my stomach. Madelyn gave him 3 swift kicks to the ear and he felt the last one :) What a special moment for all of us! Now I can't wait for Rylee to feel her kick.

18 weeks

How far along are you?: 18 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: -2lb

Sleep: getting better some nights

Best moment this week: getting the spare room cleaned up

Movement: still not often, but it's more random, not just when I'm laying down

Food cravings/aversion: eggs are not my friend

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: not getting sick all the time

What I'm looking forward to: another ultrasound in 4 days!

Milestones: Less then 10 weeks until 3rd trimester :) size of a bell pepper

Not much going on here except planning things for the nursery since we got it all cleaned out. We had A LOT of stuff in there that we'd accumulated the past 4 years. I'm also dealing with ANOTHER sinus cold, which stinks, but I'm looking into stuff that can possibly help out- ya know, like exercise and more rest :) the things I'm already supposed to be doing haha 

Next week is going to busy, well at least Monday and Tuesday will be. Monday, Rylee has a dentist appointment, I have an ultrasound appointment, meeting someone to buy some diapers, and I'm hoping to squeeze in JBF and a chiropractic adjustment too. Tuesday, Rylee has her first dance class without me. I'm so excited for her and I hope she enjoys it. 

I'm really hoping that at my ultrasound they move my due date back up, who wants a later due date?! We shall see! We will get to check on all of her organs and make sure everything is growing properly. I just can't wait to see her again :)