I started this blog so that one day, when she's old enough, Rylee could read it and know what happened every step of the way. I've realized a lot of my posts are complaining about her lack of wanting to sleep, etc. and I don't want her to think the first few weeks of her life were absolutely horrible, because they haven't been! So, this post will be all about the amazing things Rylee has brought to my life.
Right now, I'm lying in bed, with a head/sinus cold and a fever. Paul is taking care of Rylee and it's killing me. Not that I worry about him having her or anything, Monday through Friday is just our time. We lay in bed and talk and laugh and watch the ceiling fan and dance. I'm missing her, even though she is in the room right next to me. I would just hate myself if I got her sick, especially right before her 2 month appointment next Monday. So I'm keeping my distance, in the hopes, that she doesn't get whatever I have.
Rylee has taught me what it means to truly love unconditionally. I love Paul with all of my heart, but it's different kind of love with Rylee. She can scream and cry and yell and be uncooperative and the entire time I think "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I make her happy?" Never does "what is wrong with this child? Why won't she just quit crying?" come to mind. She is so fragile right now and I know it's my job to protect her and love her and guide her through this brand new world that she was brought in to. I happily forgo sleep and rock or walk and bounce for hours in order to make her happy. I don't think about eating or drinking, she is my complete focus and I wouldn't have it any other way. There is so many times when Paul will come home from work and ask me what I had for lunch, to which I usually respond, "Oh, nothing! I didn't even think about lunch." When I'm with Rylee, Rylee is all that matters, she has taught me to be self-less.
Rylee has given me a sense of youth and health back. I want to be healthy FOR her. I've never had a strong desire to work out, I just would do it sometimes because I didn't like the number that was on the scale. Now that I have Rylee in my life, I want to be healthy. I don't want her to want to sit in front of the TV and eat potato chips. I want her to want to play outside with her dogs and us, I want her to participate in sports, whatever she wants to do actively! If I'm laying around all the time, she's not going to understand why mommy wants her to play outside but mommy doesn't ever play outside. For the first time in my life, I have a WANT to run, I want to take Rylee outside and let her see the world, from the eyes of the jogging stroller of course. I just can't wait for the weather to get better, and we will be spending a lot of time outside, whether we are running, or planting in the garden. I want that little girl to spend as much time as possible outside!
Rylee has brought so much to mine and Paul's lives. It's only been 8 weeks, but in my mind, there was no life before Rylee. That time was such a blur, and everything just seems so clear now. Even through the lack of sleep, I still clearly remember the day Rylee was born (duh!), the day we brought her home, our first day alone together, the first time she truly smiled, the first time she laughed, etc. I know this won't always be the case, so I'm trying to cherish it as much as possible. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be in my life. When she snuggles into me for comfort, that thought is solidified. She loves me and knows I'm there to comfort her and usually do a pretty good job at it. She associates me with that, and even now, that brings a tear to my eye and makes my heart skip a beat! I haven't given her a snuggle or a kiss today, and when I was in the kitchen earlier, she just stared at me from across the room, like ummm come love me!
She's just an amazing little being that has brought so much to my life and will bring so much more in the days, weeks, months, and years to come!
I know this post was random and all over the place, but I wanted everyone to know that I consider this time in my life the most wonderful time.
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