On October 22nd, I was 11 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I started cramping and had some slight spotting. This was very reminiscent of my miscarriage 3 years ago so I freaked out and went to the ER. We were blessed to see a happy, healthy baby turning flips and waving during a bedside ultrasound. All tests for infections came back negative. They couldn't give me a reason for the cramping or spotting, but told me to call my OB and take it easy until it went away.
The next day I called my OB first thing in the morning, and again that afternoon, waiting to hear back. I was still having a lot of cramping pain, but luckily the spotting had seemed to go away. I finally got a call back from OB's medical assistant at 5:00pm- 30 minutes after closing- telling me my OB was actually in surgery all day, but she was writing it off to round ligament pain and that I needed to drink more water, but she would pass the info on to my OB and call back the next day.
On Wednesday, I was still in a lot of pain. I mean drop to my knees, roll into a fetal position cramps. When I received a call from a nurse I had never seen or talked to saying my OB agreed with her assistant, I started bawling. I realized no one understood the pain I was in, and they were just writing off what I was describing as "nothing." I tried my best to explain to the nurse the pain I was in and that Tylenol was not helping, and that I was drinking close to 100oz in water with no relief. The nurse suggested ibuprofen, to my horror. If you've ever been pregnant, you know that they say ibuprofen is a strict no-no. After I calmed down and talked to a few friends and my mom, I called back insisting a more formal ultrasound and to be seen by any of the OBs in the practice, hoping face-to-face would help me better explain what I was feeling. I called several times with that request, without any response. Finally, we just went to the ER at St. Francis since I knew they would give me a formal ultrasound. I wanted to know if there were any cysts, tears, abruptions, etc. that could be causing the pain.
At the ER, we waited 4 hours in the waiting room to be seen. The ER doctor did a bedside ultrasound and once again there was baby with a healthy heartbeat. She also ordered a formal ultrasound to check all of the things that a bedside ultrasound can't see- which is exactly what I wanted. The radiologist checked everything out and couldn't see anything wrong. The placenta was in a good position, no tears, no cysts, etc. She said it looked like I had a tilted uterus that was trying to correct itself and that could be where the cramps were coming from. The doctor didn't confirm or deny this, but sent me home with the same instructions as the first ER: rest and call my OB. I received a call the next morning from the Imaging Center because my OB ordered a formal ultrasound, wish she would've called me before I waited 8 hours in the ER for one.
The cramping continued, just as bad most days. On November 5th, the slight spotting returned. On the 6th, it happened randomly throughout the day. By the 7th, there was bleeding every time I went to the bathroom. I finally called a new OB and made an appointment. Unfortunately, he couldn't see me until December 4th. I explained my situation to the receptionist and she suggested I get into my old OB for peace of mind, and that she would call me right away with any cancellations that my new OB had. After getting over my pride, I called my old OB, spoke to her assistant and insisted I have an appointment by the end of day since the bleeding had increased. I got a call at the end of the day from the assistant saying she never got a chance to talk to the OB and she would be back the next day- I never heard from them again. Luckily, the bleeding stopped.
The next few weeks, the cramping wasn't all that bad. I was still mostly on bed rest, and the cramping was constant, but the most severe cramps were more random and less often.
On November 19th, the severe cramps returned. I was doubled over most of the day, but I had promised Rylee I would take her to the zoo the next day. You see, I had not done much with her since the cramping began. I spent most of my time laying on the couch or in bed. I missed having fun with my daughter. So on Tuesday the 20th I took Rylee to the zoo. We didn't spend as much time there as we normally do, but we had fun getting out together. When I got home, the bleeding had returned. It was more than spotting, but not what they consider "severe" enough. On the 21st, I went to St Francis Labor & Delivery anyway. I was 15 week 4 days, and they usually don't see you until 16 weeks, but luckily they kept me since I had called earlier in the day very upset about everything.
The nurse swabbed me for any infections- all came back negative. The resident OB checked me and let me know my outer cervix was 2-3cm dilated, but that was normal for someone that has delivered a baby- my inner cervix was closed. I was concerned that none of the doctors had noted that previously. He also said my cervix was very raw and irritated but he couldn't figure out a cause/reason. He did a bedside ultrasound, and said my placenta looked low and could be the cause of the bleeding. Baby had a heartbeat and was kicking around in there. Still no one could tell me anything, and I was sent home with the instructions of rest if I was bleeding and in pain.
Hindsight being 20/20 I only state this now that I know, but at the time I didn't put the two things together. A few days after I left L&D the bleeding I was having changed- this may be TMI for some- it became very watery. I just thought whatever might be close to causing a type of infection was leaving, but actually my amniotic sac probably had a small tear in it and my water was leaking. I also started getting a severe headache and fevers around the same time.
I have a fetal doppler at home and regularly used it since I was only feeling slight flutters and all of the pain. I wanted to make sure baby was still doing good in there. On Tuesday the 27th, while Rylee was taking her nap, I decided to listen to baby. The heart rate seemed very high and actually worried me at first. I kept thinking "he's scared, he's panicking" but I researched the heart rate and according to what I found it wasn't "that" high. I believe had I been taken seriously by anyone previous to this I might've called someone about it, but I didn't. This was the last time I know for a fact that my baby was alive.
On Wednesday night, Paul asked to hear the baby's heartbeat. I couldn't find it. I assumed since he was still small, he was hiding- though deep in my heart I think I knew. I tried 3 times the next day, after eating lots of starchy and sugary things, and still couldn't find it. I started researching 2nd trimester miscarriages that day. On Friday after not being able to find the heartbeat again, I told Paul we should be prepared for bad news at our appointment on the upcoming Tuesday. I was denial, and refused to believe what I already knew and was refusing anymore trips to the hospital.
On Saturday, December 1st, I woke up to consistent cramps, and Paul insisting we go back to L&D so we could know for sure. First we went and got our Christmas tree, and took Rylee to my mom's. I was still reluctant about going to the hospital, I wanted to stay oblivious to the obvious. Paul finally got me to the hospital and our worse nightmares were confirmed- baby didn't have a heartbeat. The nurse checked me and my consistent cramps were contractions- I was actually in labor. I was told at that time that it looked like I didn't have any water left in the amniotic sac (which is why I think my water started leaking about a week before).
At 9:37pm, I gave birth to my sweet sleeping angel baby boy, Preston Hayes. I was able to hold him, kiss him, talk to him, and give him all my love and adoration. I did have to have surgery to remove my placenta, and I lost a lot of blood (about 20%). Paul got some alone time with his son while I was in surgery, and then when we got to the recovery room, we got some more time alone with him. I was discharged by noon on Sunday.
To say my life has been whirlwind since then is an understatement. Time seems to go so slowly, but so fast at the same time. I have a weird sense of peace most of the time- which makes me feel guilty. Since I was in so much pain for so long, I have this feeling Preston felt it or sensed it- especially at the end when I heard the elevated heartbeat- so I know he's no longer in pain and that makes me feel like everything is OK now. I hate, hate, HATE that he isn't here with us, but knowing I could've been putting him through pain kills me.
I have to say, being able to be a mom to Rylee again has been enjoyable too. I felt so bad about all the things I couldn't do with her for so long- I literally cried most weekends because of it. The other day I was able to sit on the floor and play and color with her without being in any pain- it kills me to think of why I was able to do it, but seeing the happiness on Rylee's face when she asked me to color with her and I said "ok" warms my heart. It's such a catch-22 and there are times it hurts but mostly I've been happy. Without Rylee, I can't imagine how the pain would take over and consume us. Rylee is our light in the darkness right now. We need her now more than she can ever understand. I can't wait until she's old enough to understand what a blessing she is, and to understand the life and existence of her little brother.
Don't get me wrong, Paul and I still have our grieving time. We talk about Preston almost daily. We cry, we hold each other, we think about what could've been, and what our future holds. We were given a mold of his hands and feet, and we sleep with it at night. We love and miss our baby boy more than most people could imagine.
I believe that is most of the story and I think it answers some of the questions I've been asked, and it feels good to type the story out. I also know if we were to ever be blessed with another pregnancy what to look for in warning signs, and what to no longer accept as a valid answer. We get the pathology report next week and will potentially know for sure what happened, but like I said earlier I'm pretty sure I already know.
To end... here is a picture of me marveling over my sweet baby boy shortly after he was born.
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