Realization...

Today has been about realizations for me.

I realized that I need to put my diaper bag away. I don't need it for Rylee now that she's potty trained and obviously won't be packing it for use soon.

I realized I avoid our 3rd bedroom like the plague. If I have to go in there for anything, I'm in and out as fast as possible. My heart rate goes up significantly anytime I have to go in there. It has become our catch all room, rather than a nursery.

Finally, I realized it's been about 6 weeks since I've been to see Preston. I've been in the area twice and haven't driven the extra 3 or so miles to see him. Both times I've been in the area the weather has been nice. So really there's no real excuse. I honestly don't know why I haven't gone. Going to see your baby in a cemetery is something indescribable, something I don't wish on a single soul in this world, but I hate that I haven't gone to visit him in so long.

My realizations for the day have been painful ones, but ones I needed to have. Things are about to get really hard in the next 6 weeks or so, and it's best I get these "little" realizations out of the way before the big ones try to knock me down. I plan on standing as strong as possible, but I know breakdowns are to be expected. I'm very blessed to have great friends and wonderful family around to hold me, and to know that Preston will always be in their hearts too.